Sexpertise with Millie | Interracial lovin’

By
March 17, 2015

Hello My Darlings,

There is no shame in dating who you want to date. Date within your race, outside your race, within your gender, outside your gender. As long as you’re in it for the right reasons, mutual consent and all, then you’re doing it right. It’s all love.

Let’s talk about interracial dating! There’s so much beauty around cross-cultural relationships that could benefit you in your own personal growth.

If you and your partner come from different backgrounds, you could learn from each other’s experiences. Even the simplicity of learning about each other’s childhoods can bring out the differences in views. Celebrate those differences. Celebrate the diversity.

I have been dating outside of my race ever since I even started dating — seven years ago. It’s a lot of fun and there’s so much love there, but unfortunately, I have to fight a lot of racism that comes my way. There’s so many controlling images around how I, as an Asian woman, am submissive and fragile, so much so that many people think it’s okay to make these controlling images into a joke. While you’re having fun joking about my sexuality, ask yourself at whose expense you are having this fun. Is it worth it? Especially considering there’s a million non-offensive things to laugh about.

It does not only come from friends, but also from my family. For instance, my friends would hypersexualize me and my partner in order to justify the pairing. My family would warn against our relationship because they were afraid my partner would not be good enough for me or for the family solely based on their race (poverty, laziness, and criminality often get associated with my partners).

I have heard a hundred times of too many people dating a certain race for the sake of making their parents angry. Their parents typically covet racist prejudices toward particular groups of people and believe that their children dating these groups is wrong. You don’t want to criminalize your partner or position them as a toxic entity in your relationship. That ultimately shows your superiority complex, which only sheds light on your racism. Absolutely unacceptable.

The most hurtful part is, all of it came from my loved ones. It’s so much more difficult to step up and call someone out on their racism when they’re really close to you. Admittedly, in the beginning of my social justice journey, I remained silent. Even then, I knew that was wrong.

But my relationships helped me learn more about what it means to be an ally. I grew more and more passionate about social justice issues because of my cross-cultural relationships. Even if they didn’t work out (and let’s be real, most of them didn’t), I still left each relationship with a more social consciousness.

Ultimately, I never allow those expelling racism — even if they think they’re hilarious  to walk away without letting them know how their words and actions affect people. This country has a long history of shaming interracial relationships. That form of racism still exists today; it’s just not as obvious as it used to be. It’s sneakier. Shame, shame, I know your name.

If you have any ideas, comments or questions, please don’t hesitate to email me at askmillie@thecampanil.com. I want to hear all your dirty little secrets 😉

Stay Sexy,

XX

Millie


Sexpertise with Millie | Interracial lovin’ was published on March 17, 2015 in Column, Opinions

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