One Vote for Whoever Finds Osama bin Laden

By
October 7, 2004

Mills College Weekly

In spite of the apparent consensus that Kerry won the
presidential debate on foreign policy and homeland security, the
public still considers Bush the stronger candidate on the war on
Iraq. In this last month of the campaign, this is the single
greatest issue looming over the election. There remains but one
option for securing the vote for Kerry in 2004: Kerry must find
Osama. Alone and unprotected, without Bush’s troops or Afghan
warlords, Kerry must come out with a captured Osama bin Laden. What
better way to prove his courage under fire, his credibility as a
war hero, his steadfast resolve in the face of the enemy? What
better way to illustrate the differences between his approach and
Bush’s to the war on terror? What better way to stick it to the
Swift Boat Veterans for Truth? If Bono can take a fact-finding tour
through Africa, a presidential candidate can certainly go lend a
hand in Afghanistan.

Senator, you can talk all you want about allies and diplomacy,
and the need for a global test, but this is America. We have a long
and cherished tradition of one-man armies, our renegades who take
the law into their own hands and save the planet from thermonuclear
annihilation. Take a lesson from Schwarzenegger, Mr. Kerry. America
responds to people who can single-handedly kill hundreds of highly
organized terrorists with 12-gauge and a screwdriver. We don’t need
a diplomat, we need a hero.

Political pundits across the globe consistently emphasize that
what Kerry needs to do to win this election is to be bold in
foreign policy and to be strong in attacking Bush for his
mismanagement of the war on terror. There is no bolder image I can
think of than a fiercely determined Kerry in a dusty uniform,
gripping bin Laden by the collar under a banner reading “Mission
REALLY Accomplished,” our hero keeping the world safe for
democracy. No message could be clearer, and no statement could be
stronger. Kerry, suit up and get on a plane. I’m voting for whoever
catches Osama first!


One Vote for Whoever Finds Osama bin Laden was published on October 7, 2004 in Opinions

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