With Valentines Day behind us and the Vagina Monologues coming up Feb. 22-24, we thought we’d focus on the other big V: Virginity.
Mills is filled with smart women, many of whom wonder when the best time to is to start having sex: you’re ready to start having sex when you’re ready to accept all of the possible consequences. That includes not just heartbreak, but the heartbreak of herpes and other STDs, and unwanted pregnancy.
But hey! It’s not all bad! It’s just all part of growing up and becoming a responsible adult. That just means you’re mature enough to get tested regularly, use a condom or other appropriate method of safe sex and to have ‘the talk’ with your partner before you get all hot and heavy.
So let’s say you’ve been the “good girl” and waited, but you’re not the wait until marriage type. You’ve thought about it – and certainly fantasized plenty about it, right? – and you’re ready to take the plunge and give it up for good.
But with whom?
Unless you’ve already got a partner you’re in love with, it’s not as easy as it seems to find the right person to gift with your epic deflowering. Remember how immature the boys were in high school? Do you really think any of them were seasoned thoughtful lovers whose main goal was to ensure you climaxed before them? Or were they just mostly big sacks of hormones with little control and less manners? Yeah, we thought so too.
So here you are: considering possible Mr. Rights or Ms. Rights.
Who do you choose?
Some good rules of thumb (or other more fun appendages) follow:
1. Odds are you’ll eventually break up with this person.
So if you want to have sex with someone you’re dating, way the pros and cons of it. Make sure you’re having sex because you want to and not because you feel pressured. Be sure to talk to your healthcare provider about protection and safe sex.
2. Don’t rule out friends with benefits.
As with above, make sure it’s someone with whom your friendship can weather the storms of twisted bedsheets and late night booty calls. The bonus is no ugly breakups!
3. Don’t jump into bed even after you decide to lose your virginity.
A good lover won’t push you to do anything you’re not ready for. If you want to take them out for a test drive, see if they can make you orgasm with just their hands. If they manage that, upgrade to oral sex. If they prove to be a fabulous lover after those two sessions then there’s a good chance they’ll take good care of you during full on intercourse. Remember! The vast majority of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone! So if your intended needs a road map to your clit, you might want to let them pass.
4. To give can also be heavenly
Don’t forget to be a good lover yourself, even in the early ‘practice’ sessions. If you find you don’t enjoy exploring your lover’s body during a good hearty heavy petting session you likely won’t want the full tour once you’re both naked. There’s a difference between being selfish and not really being that into someone: work on figuring it out and the truth will be worth it.
The most important thing to remember is No One (and it’s worth repeating and capital letters) No One has the right to take this decision away from you. If you want to stay a virgin longer? Huzzah! Good for you for having self-control and a ton of self-respect. If you want to take your time to make sure you pick the partner who can give you the best memory possible? Good show! You’ll thank yourself for decades to come.
You only get one first time and you’ll carry that experience with you wherever you go.
So take your time, make your decision and wrap yourself up in a big red ribbon because you are the best gift you could ever give someone.