It’s cold outside. Really cold. Really, really, really cold.
If you want to test how cold it is outside, here’s how:
- Throw boiling water into the air and watch as water turns into snow! Because who knew liquid turned into ice?
- Leave a chunk of brie cheese outside. If it freezes and becomes hard enough to use as a free weight, it might be a little cold outside.
- Go commando outside. If you experience what doctors call “penisicle syndrome,” it might be a little cold outside.
- Take a can of Campbell’s soup outside, open the can, and stick a popsickle stick in the middle of the soup. Turn upside down—and voila! A chicken noodle popsicle!
- Shake a gallon of milk outside. If it is cold outside, the liquid contents inside the container should turn into ice to create a literal “milkshake.” Enjoy said milkshake, because this milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s -20 degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill so why are you drinking a cold beverage?
- Go stand outside. Think of polar bears cuddling. If at any point during this brainstorm session you experience frostbite, it might be a little cold outside.
- If you eat a raw jalapeno pepper outside and it tastes like a strawberry snow cone, it might be a little bit cold outside.
- Hold a wet t-shirt competition outside in the freezing cold! Winner gets pneumonia and amputated nipples! Brrrr!
- Make s’mores outside. If you crack a tooth while eating melted marshmallows, it might be a little cold outside.
- Find a witch. Give her a hug. If her bosom is the climate zone of a tropical paradise, it might be a little cold outside.