Extremely bad advice: bathroom etiquette

By and
October 14, 2013

You’re about to embark on your first mission as the Bathroom Bandit. You are a member of an elusive secret revolutionary group of public space raiders who strategically dismantle the status quo by creating huge inconveniences for everyone around you. Think of yourself as a poor man’s Banksy with toilet paper as your spray paint.

Follow these steps and you’ll be able to save the earth, one clogged toilet at a time.


1. Never flush anything.

2. Surfaces should never be dry or spotless.

3. Hair deserves to be everywhere.

4. What’s a trash can?

5. Conserve by wasting … everything. Remember the soap spit balls on the roof in middle school? It’s time to bring those back.

6. Concerning feminine hygiene products: leave them everywhere. Especially if used.

7. Put end of toilet paper roll in toilet. Flush repeatedly.

8. Want to involve others? Throw toilet paper over the stall while someone is in there.

9. Leave half eaten food in the stall.

10. When graffiti-ing: misquote popular quotes on purpose. Let the rage responses begin.

11. When you have sex in the bathroom, don’t clean up after yourself.

12. Leave your toenail clippings in the sink.


DISCLAIMER: This is not real advice. For the sake of your other bathroom go-ers, please do not actually do this. Or so help me, we will find you.


Extremely bad advice: bathroom etiquette was published on October 14, 2013 in Column, Opinions

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