Being a lazy college student doesn’t mean you’re a bad student. You’re just someone with a different perspective on what’s important and you don’t happen to expend energy for most things.
But being lazy at Mills is more than just skipping class, growing out body hair* and wearing sweatpants all the time. There’s something unique about Mills College that requires finesse and a little bit more work on your end so you wouldn’t have to do any actual work.
Fortunately, we have compiled the ultimate Lazy Person’s Guide to Mills below. Procrastinate well, my friends!
1) How annoying is it to log in all the time on the Mills Wireless network? Just click on the Guest network instead. Instant access!
2) Even though your dorm is a brisk 10 minute walk away, you know how much you hate those hills. If you have the number to Public Safety and 30 minutes to spare, call for a lift. Catch up on some valuable smartphone time as you wait.
3) Check the grading evaluation on your class syllabus, find the lowest percentage and don’t do it. For example, if Participation only counts for 10%, don’t do it.
4) All Physical Education classes now allow six absences. Uh, jackpot!
5) Knit in class and claim you’re a kinesthetic learner. This doesn’t work for everyone but the professor with the scarves would be very delighted to hear this. You know the one.
6) Never ever attend any club meetings, campus seminars or sports events. Ever.
7) Unless there is free food or snacks involved. We all know how horrible and torturous walking up to Founders Commons is. Avoid this as much as possible by acquiring sustenance anywhere else on campus whether its at the vending machines near the Bookstore, that Asian Pacific Islander Student Alliance (APISA) meeting or finding edible plants in the Community Garden.
8) Contact all your professors and advisors to get their email signatures for important forms so you don’t have to walk all the way across Holmgren Meadow. Because you know, you couldn’t make it to their office hours.
9) Finding the process of having to pull out your student ID to open doors troublesome? Depending on how high up the scanner is, you can tuck your student ID into your pants butt pocket and back that thang up until it clicks open. This would free up both your hands to do more texting. (It also works with hoodie pouches if the fabric is thin enough)
10) If you’re one of those students who steals bowls, plates and utensils from Founders, avoid actually having to wash them by sneaking back in the dirty dishes when you’re done and replacing them with clean ones.
11) You know that sign on the water dispenser in the Tea Shop that asks you not to rinse or dump stuff in it? Ignore that.
12) Have others write your own column for you. Thanks to Jen Mac Ramos for the vending machines tip.
This is the first post to a new blog series called Extremely Bad Advice. Maybe. I don’t know. We’ll see.
*NOTE: A reader thoughtfully pointed out that their choice to grow out body hair is not an act of laziness but an expression of self-love. They are right and I should’ve considered that as I was writing the post.